1. You are hoarding water and food.
2. While on your daily run you wonder if you could survive the Hunger Games.
3. You are listening to Glenn Beck no longer for the giggle but because he’s preaching your homily.
4. You own a sword… and you know why.
5. In a crowd, if things go down, you wonder who would become the de facto leader.
6. Every time you travel through the Lincoln Tunnel, you remember King’s description in The Stand.
7. On a daily basis you ask yourself if the bathtub will be your way out when the apocalypse arrives.
8. You decide to skip the bathtub but rather take up a job as mail carrier to bring some order to the disorder.
9. You are buying shares in water commodities. (That unfortunately may not be as crazy as it sounds.)
10. You are keeping your maps because the GPS satellites are no longer available.
11. You wished you liked camping and had learned all of those necessary camping skills… probably the ultimate reason to take the bath tub route.
12. You imagine what three books you would save.
13. When visiting Manhattan you imagine it as one big enclosed prison.
14. As in Demolition Man, you absolutely think one day there will be car accident-released foam, and virtual reality sex between couples, because ads are already “reading you” like they do in Minority Report.
15. You believe 3-D printers are the first step to Star Trek-like replicators, however we aren’t going to be smart enough to replicate food but instead guns, and other ways to destroy each other.
16. Anytime you see four horses standing together you think about the apocalypse. And then you name them.
17. You keep old medications, specifically antibiotics… just in case.
18. The first thing you think of when you see Christmas lights up in a window is wondering if they are somehow trying to contact you.
19. You have a backpack packed in the trunk of your car–all essentials, including a hand cranked radio and an extra pair of glasses to read, because that’s what you will have time for while trying to fend off crazed animals and humans alike.
20. You wonder if you could survive on vending machine food because there won’t be anyone farming.
21. Even Hulu knows. It sends you an e-mail announcement saying: “The Apocalypse is Coming because all of the shows in your playlist have some sort of earthly destruction as their plot.”
22. Everyday you look up and appreciate the sun because one day it will be gone, or changed, or screwy, and our daylight won’t be hours but days, and our circadian rhythms will be out of whack, and we all will become angry, our crops will burn, our lives over…
It is definitely time for a good, lusty love story with a very happy ending.